let the waters still

(Gabrielle Aplin - Home)

I had assumed, when I started this blog, that a little drama would be a useful addition to my writing. It had seemed obvious that it would lend itself to writing that had a bit more readability, and take me out of the realms of the mundane and everyday such as ironing and reading. Apparently, at least in the case of my most recent drama, I was incorrect in my assumptions. I had a car accident in late November, luckily with very minimal injuries to anyone involved, which is all the more remarkable as the car ended up on its roof. All hail the seatbelt, that is for certain.

I didn't want to write about it at the time, and I still don't intend to elaborate any more than that explanation for my absence. It was more the general inertia (perhaps an inappropriate choice of noun in view of the above) that resulted that has stopped me from writing altogether. In all honesty, as years go, 2013 was a challenge. That is the best term I can think of to use. Some of those challenges were a cause for celebration. Between graduations, qualifications, redecorating rooms, making over gardens and any occasion where the new puppy managed to stay dry through the night all felt like hurdles that we overcame and could feel fabulous about as we landed on the other side.

There have also been many celebrations where there was no challenge involved. So many weddings, engagements and new houses for our friends and relatives, so many happy occasions to share with those we are closest to. Our own birthdays and anniversaries, and smaller moments, less grand but still worth celebrating, family meals, gatherings with neighbours, lazy Sunday breakfasts at the kitchen table.

However, this year has also had many challenges that have made it a very difficult twelve months. So many deaths, accidents and catastrophes, both minor and major, it felt like a real uphill battle just to keep getting through the weeks. Nothing really very dramatic, nothing really that every other family hasn't faced at one time or another. It just seemed all a little relentless, and it felt like we were lurching from one crisis to the next.

image reproduced from www.robot-hugs.com

Once the accident happened (and our front door inexplicably locked itself and wouldn't reopen in the same week), I had reached my limit. I had actually seen the above cartoon before November and had bookmarked it, wanting to write a post about it at some point, as it had struck a chord with me. However, subsequently, this is how those last weeks of the year felt. I have been hiding, bracing myself, holding my breath, waiting for the next problem, the next issue, sure that there must inevitably be more to come.

Part of my rational brain knows that it is nonsense to think that the simple act of moving from one year to the next will have any bearing on things, yet even that fact that I think of 2013 as a particularly unlucky year tells me that I'm not really thinking objectively about it. I know, that on one hand, this day is not suddenly different from the last, there is no guarantee that 2014 will have any less of the negatives and any more of the positives.

However, I have always been a lover of fresh starts, new beginnings and clean slates. As the hours, and the minutes counted down to midnight last night, we were surrounded by family, and lovely neighbours I consider close friends. It was a happy, celebratory evening, and I felt a growing sense of relief, a feeling of being released from the trials and tribulations of the last twelve months. The Husband, my family, and those wonderful friends and neighbours, have been there every step of the way, facing the challenges by my side and joining with the celebrations too. As we move into a New Year, I finally feel positive about the last. As I look back and count my blessings, they undoubtedly outnumber the negatives, and as January begins things feel hopeful. However silly it seems I honestly feel that a new phase has begun, like I'm breathing again.